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Beautiful Budget Beef: Cheap Steak Night At The Mighty Quinn Tavern

16 May

Rightio folks, here’s the second installment of my entries focusing on the cheap and cheerful side of Perth. As promised, this one contains juicy steaks. So here goes…

I’m a firm believer that a dining experience is about so much more that what’s served to you on your plate. It’s about the building, the ambiance, the other patrons and just the whole vibe in general. Tapas is best served in rowdy, smoke-filled Spanish bars, Bratwurst hotdogs are best eaten outdoors on a chilly December day in Germany and meat pies are best consumed at the footy between mouthfuls of abuse hurled at the umpire. The whole experience is more than the sum of its parts. Similarly, cheap, no-frills steaks should come in a similarly rough-and-ready environment, and that’s just what you’ll get at the Mighty Quinn on a Wednesday night.

You Ain't Seen Nothing Like The Mighty Quinn. Well, Maybe You Have, But That Doesn't Fit In With The Reference I'm Trying To Make Here

You Ain’t Seen Nothing Like The Mighty Quinn. Well, Maybe You Have, But That Doesn’t Fit In With The Reference I’m Trying To Make Here. So Shut Up.

Having received a tipoff about it from a fellow food blogger, the promise of a low cost steak dinner out on the town was too much to resist and thus last week I rounded up a few friends and went down to check it out. Even though the Mighty Quinn is just around the corner from my house I’d never actually been in there, so was pleasantly surprised to find a huge, cavernous beer hall type place absolutely heaving with people. Splashed here and there with references to its Irish name, it has a warm, homely vibe despite its hefty interior. Whilst far from what you’d consider to be a traditional Irish pub, the hurling sticks and Guinness ads on the wall along with the fireplace and warm lighting nevertheless manage to lend a certain Gaelic charm to what would otherwise be a pretty bog standard blue collar drinking hole.

The Emerald Isle It Isn't, But It Does Have A Cosy Type Of Charm

The Emerald Isle It Isn’t, But It Does Have A Certain Cosy Charm

Two Australian Irishmen Walk Into A Bar...

Two Australian Irishmen Walk Into A Bar…

Although my informant told me that the steak special was $12.50, the fact that it turned out to be $13.90 was still totally acceptable. They were also perfectly happy to substitute my chips for mash potatoes at no extra cost, and this put me in such a good mood that I splashed out and paid and extra $2.75 to get veges instead of salad. Arriving at the table in a surprisingly short amount of time considering the masses of people they were serving, it was exactly what I was hoping for. Sat atop a large mound of mash and steamed veg, the generous slab of sirloin was smothered in a thick mushroom and seeded mustard gravy. I’d asked for medium rare, and despite the fact that it was a little rarer than it perhaps should have been, I wasn’t complaining as a) I tend to like my steak that way anyhow and b)I’d much rather it come underdone than overcooked.

Steak And Mash, Because I'm A Meat 'n' Taters Kinda Guy

Steak And Mash, Because I’m A Meat ‘n’ Taters Kinda Guy

And Again, This Time With A Chips And Salad Motif, Which Is Very "In" This Year

And Again, This Time With A Chips And Salad Motif, Which Is Very “In” This Year

Now, getting back to what I was saying about the food matching the setting, this meal was a perfect example. Had I been served the exact same thing in fancier establishment (with matching fancy price tag) then, chances are, that I would have been pretty pissed and felt ripped off. Similarly, if the chefs at the Mighty Quinn had tried to go all gourmet and served the steak with roast baby potatoes, a cranberry port just and dusted it with microherbs then it just wouldn’t have felt right, and they probably would have cocked it up anyway. As it was, the generous portions had just the right level of slap dashedness to match the t-shirt wearing staff serving them. Nothing in the slightest bit poncey there at all, just meat, sauce, potatoes and veg. I didn’t end up paying that much, it was tasty enough and I left full and satisfied. In short, it was everything a cheap steak meal in a pub should be. The drinks were also pretty well priced too, with pints of Erdinger only $8. The old Mighty Quinn does get fairly heaving with people clamouring for budget priced beef, so if you want to guarantee yourself a table I’d highly recommend booking ahead. Oh, they also do a quiz on a Wednesday night too, which is the icing on a prefect pub grub cake as far as I’m concerned. So, what’s everyone up to next Wednesday night then?

The Mighty Quinn on Urbanspoon

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Karma Chameleon Curries: Annalakshmi

15 May

Surely there can be few better ways to start a run of posts about cheap and cheerful eating and drinking than by writing up a place that doesn’t actually have any official prices at all. “But surely this cannot be!”, I hear you cry. “Restaurants have to have prices, that’s how the whole thing works. If restaurants don’t have prices then nothing makes any sense at all. Dogs will lie down with cats, up will be Saturday and leftover Chinese takeaway will start microwaving us for breakfast the next day!” Settle down guys, it’s ok. Rather than a breakdown of all logic and reason, Annalakshmi is a Hindu run not-for-profit restaurant right on the banks of the Swan River whose motto is “Eat as you like, pay as you feel”. Click here for a full explanation of their ethos and mission.

Curry In A Hurry, Buffet Style

Curry In A Hurry, Buffet Style

There are so many reasons why I love this place. First and foremost, the food is great. Served in a help yourself buffet arrangement, it’s a haven of enchanting Indian vegetarian delights like pilau rice, several different curries, soup, chapatis, vegetables and dahl. Tasty, hearty and filling without being too spicy (for those of you who are a bit afraid of excessive heat), you can sit down and enjoy your sub continental feast safe in the knowledge that no beast or fowl was harmed in the making of it. There’s also water and orange juice on tap, tea and coffee and even something sweet to finish things off with. Although it varies depending on when you visit, dessert was the unexpected highlight of my last visit to Annalakshmi. Looking like nothing more than a small bowl of milk with noodles, it turned out to be a creamy-yet-not-too-rich delight loaded with amazing spices and a sweet, sugary hit. I don’t know what the Hindi or Urdu word for a-freaken-mazing is, but if I did then I’d totally use it right about now.

Veggo Indian Delights: Guilt Free And Delicious

Veggo Indian Delights: Guilt Free And Delicious

Dessert: Deceptively Plain Looking But Choc Full Of Flavour

Dessert: Deceptively Plain Looking But Choc Full Of Flavour

Now while I don’t think that I could ever fully convert to vegetarianism, I do think that the world would be a much better place if everyone drastically cut down the amount of meat they consumed. I don’t want to appear to be getting up on a soap box here, but it does make a lot of sense if you look at it in a certain way. For starters, it’s much better for you health wise, not to mention being a whole lot cheaper. Also, if everyone ate less then we could afford to spend more on the meat we do consume, and this in turn means that it could be produced in a more ethical, free range type manner rather than the horrible factory system that we have at the moment geared towards churning out massive volumes for minimal cost. We’d win.  The animals would win. I’m telling you, there’s no down side to this. Sure, you may have to go without the odd trip to KFC, but deep down in your heart you know that’s a good thing. Plus, with these guys making vegetarian (even vegan) dining so yummy, convenient and affordable, there’s no excuse to ditch the meat on even a semi-regular basis.

In addition to providing super tasty Indian food for whatever money you can spare, Annalakshmi also offers an exceedingly pleasant environment in which to consume it. Unlike several squalid Hare Krishna type places that I went to while backpacking around Europe, you’re not wedged in amongst loads of unwashed backpackers in a grimy urban setting. Nestled right on the banks of the Swan near the Barrack St jetty, the large dining room and balcony offer spectacular views over the river out to the Narrows Bridge. Gentle sitar music soothes you as you wind your way past the traditional Hindu decorations on your way up to the buffet. It’s just a really nice spot to be, a fact that I believe stems largely from the non-commercial nature of the place. There’s no urge to turn over tables, no intrusive wait staff trying to upsell you more drinks, none of the hustle and bustle of a normal commercial restaurant environment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of hustle and bustle when it’s appropriate, but every now and again it’s nice to take a break from the fast lane and do things a little differently. As they themselves put it, they offer “food for the soul by providing a good meal to those who walk in”, and you can definitely taste some love mixed in with the vegetables and spices.

Annalakshmi, Hindu Goddess Of Plenty, Watches Over Proceedings

Annalakshmi, Hindu Goddess Of Plenty, Watches Over Proceedings

Finally, we come to the issue of payment. You literally pay whatever you feel the meal was worth as you leave the restaurant. There’s no “suggested” donation, no one staring you down and laying a guilt trip on you if they think you’ve stiffed them. As is the nature of karmic philosophy, it’s all on you and you’ll have to deal with the consequences one way or another. As such, I’m not going to say how much I pay or what I think a fair donation is, but if you screw them over and get reincarnated as a cockroach that lives in Tony Abbot’s wheelie bin you can’t say you weren’t warned.

Annalakshmi on the Swan on Urbanspoon

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What’s New Pussycat?: Miss Kitty’s Saloon in Inglewood

25 Apr

Howdy pardners! Looks like there’s a new kid in town, and thankfully there is definitely enough room for the both of us. Formerly a drab café on the corner of 9th Ave and Beaufort Street in Inglewood, Miss Kitty’s Saloon is a brand new, quirky, saloon-style restaurant specialising in American and Canadian cuisine and great drinks, or as they themselves describe it, “cowboy liquor and good quality food”. Hoping that it would be a continuation of the recent run of unique and interesting eateries that have been opening up all over town lately, I headed down there on Tuesday night with my housemate BJ for their “Dog ‘n’ Beer” combo special.

Unaware of what to expect, the initial signs were good as even though it was only a week day the place was jamming and so we left a phone number on the door and headed down the road to the Inglewood Hotel while we waited for a space to become available. We were told it would be a 45 minute to an hour wait, but after only a fraction more than a half hour we received a call to tell us that a place had opened up at the bar. This turned out to be an excellent turn of events because not only did it mean we got to chat with the bartender (who was a real, live Canadian) and ask a bunch of questions, but it also made our man-date a whole lot less fey. Instead of two men sitting down for a lovely meal together, we were two fellas propping up the bar and cracking jokes with the barkeep, which just seemed more appropriate given the Wild West saloon vibe of the place.

Speaking of the vibe, they’ve done a fantastic job with the fit out. Sitting somewhere between a bar in a John Wayne cowboy film, your grandmother’s living room and an intimate dining space, it’s loaded with vintage fittings and quirky features (such as the light fitting make from a twisted iron bed frame). It’s got an old piano in one corner, an open lounge room type space complete with a rocking chair (with crochet quilt) and freestanding fireplace and a wall covered in wood pallets, all of which is accentuated by warm low lighting and a cosy feel. Overall, very original and fantastically unique, the kind of place that manages to strike a balance between classiness and laid back cool.

Miss Kitty's Saloon: Come On In And Make Yourself At Home

Miss Kitty’s Saloon: Come On In And Make Yourself At Home

There's No Escaping It, That's Definitely A Piano

There’s No Escaping It, That’s Definitely A Piano

Recycled Timber Decor: A Little Woody On The Pallet Perhaps?

Recycled Timber Decor: A Little Woody On The Pallet Perhaps?

Cool Yet Cozy: A Great Atmosphere To Match The Food And Service

Cool Yet Cozy: A Great Atmosphere To Match The Food And Service

Having soaked up some of the atmosphere and installed ourselves at the bar, we perused the menu for a couple of items to accompany our Beer ‘n’ Dog specials. Despite our undeniably internationally attuned palates here in Perth, I still think that North American cuisine has received a bit of a bad rap to date and has been written off by many as consisting of nothing more than supersized burgers and mountains of greasy French fries. This is doing it a huge disservice, and while it’s certainly far from health food, when done properly it’s full of great flavours and unique dishes, and that’s exactly what you’ll find on the menu at Miss Kitty’s. Taking classic dishes, they’ve added their own spin and come up with some mind blowing and taste-bud-tingling creations such as Charcoal Tamarind Pork Ribs with corn, chilli and yoghurt, Maple Fried Pig Meatloaf with steamed prawns , red apple and thousand island dressing, Beef Chilli with corn waffle and avocado butter and Roast Suckling Pig with tomato relish. At this stage, I do apologise but I’m going to have to revert to corny clichés here and say hawt diggety dawg it all looked and sounded amazing!

Seeing as I’m avoiding alcohol at the moment (hard to believe I know!), I asked if they had anything interesting and non-boozey on offer and was recommended a classic American A&W root beer. Tasting something like a mixture between coke and toothpaste, it nevertheless grew on me and proved to be a more than adequate substitute for the Rio Grande cerveza that BJ had with his dog.

A Good Substitute For The Real Thing

A Good Substitute For The Real Thing

To warm up our taste buds (quite literally as it turned out), we started off with one each of the Hot Wing Pancakes with ranch sauce and pickled carrot. While little more than a couple of bites apiece, they nonetheless packed an almighty flavour wallop, with the soft pancake, creamy ranch dressing and the sharp crunch of the pickled carrot all blending perfectly with the intensely spicy chicken. It was quite hot, not tame-suburban-white-person hot but genuinely fiery, which was a pleasant surprise, and the whole thing was set off perfectly by a lump of blue cheese sat on the top, a clever nod to the blue cheese sauce that normally accompanies spicy wings served stateside.

The Spicy Wing Pancakes: What They Lack In Size They Make Up For In Flavour

The Spicy Wing Pancakes: What They Lack In Size They Make Up For In Flavour

In keeping with the idiosyncratic nature of the place, they’ve chosen not to round up the price of their $16.80 Beer ‘n’ Dog special. For that small fraction under 17 dollars you get, along with your Rio Bravo Mexican larger, a generously sized hot dog (insert you own knob gag here) with tortilla chips and guacamole. It doesn’t sound like much on paper, but as is so often the case with simple food like this it’s all in the details. Both the tortilla chips and guacamole were handmade, the chips dusted with a delicious spicy paprika powder and the guac laced with citrus juice and chunks of red onion. The hotdog itself was also impressive, the bun steamed for that great, slightly chewy texture and the sausage topped with mustard, ketchup (“It’s tomato sauce not ketchup!” I hear you cry. Normally I’d agree but it’s American cuisine so in the interests of cultural authenticity I’m using their terminology) and a tangy pickle and onion based relish. It’s these small touches that elevate such a meal from boring fast food to something fantastically enjoyable.

All Yours For $16.80 And Not A Cent More

All Yours For $16.80 And Not A Cent More

In the name of giving the place a proper review and also trying something new, BJ and I also ordered a serving of Poutine with a bit of foie gras on top for good measure. For the uninitiated amongst you out there, Poutine is an iconic Canadian dish consisting of French fries, gravy and milk curds. Originating from the French-speaking part of the country, the bartender described it as “the kebab of Montreal” and told us that it was almost impossible to pass a street corner in the downtown area of said city without coming across some kind of vendor dishing it out to hungry Québécois. Although completely unnecessary (we would have been full enough without it), it was a slightly unusual yet very enjoyable experience. The hand cut fries, homemade curd and gravy were all great, but the whole thing was elevated to a complete other realm of delicious decadence by the huge slab for foie gras they threw on top. For the mere $3 extra it cost it was a staggeringly generous portion considering what you normally pay for the stuff and, by the time we’d finished it all off, had us clutching our stomachs and groaning in a state of richness induced agony/ecstasy.

Stop Poutine It Off And Get With The French-Canadian Program Already!

Stop Poutine It Off And Get With The French-Canadian Program Already!

On top of the good atmosphere and food, the service was also great. Our Canuck bartender was more than happy to chat away, answer questions and laugh at our bad jokes. When we asked what the large jar with the tap on it behind the bar was, he gave us a free shot of the self-prepared cinnamon bonded rye whiskey that it contained to taste (and also another half a shot each when we waited a little too long for our food). He also discussed the merits of various bourbon based cocktails (and supported my assertion that a Manhattan was in no way a girly drink) and gave us a coffee each on the house at the end of our meal. To top it off he also knew his way around a good cocktail, as the bourbon, dry ginger and freshly squeezed apple juice one he made for BJ was delicious.

The Man Himself Doin' His Thang

The Man Himself Doin’ His Thang

So folks, if you’re a fan of quality North American cuisine or have never tried it before and are looking for a fun new dining experience then I highly recommend heading on down to Miss Kitty’s Saloon. Their brunch menu (available Sat and Sun from 8:27am-2:57pm) also looks fantastic, in particular the Buttermilk Flap Jacks, Steak ‘n’ Eggs and Chicken & Waffles. I’ve been trying to be good and eat healthily of late, but with such temptations on offer close by something tells me that I’m going to be taking a morning off my diet sometime in the very near future.

Miss Kitty's Saloon on Urbanspoon

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In Need Of A Tune Up: Gordon St Garage

11 Apr

Gentrification. There’s no doubting that it can be a tricky, unpredictable beast wielding a most decidedly double edged sword about our ever changing city. Done right it can turn drab, underutilized locations into exciting new venues, but when it’s taken too far it can turn great, divey locations into bland, soulless shadows of their former selves (eg: The Hyde Park Hotel, may it rest in peace). That being said, I think that the conversion of an inner city provider of automotive repair into the new eatery that is Gordon St Garage definitely falls into the first category. Perth has a million square miles of boring suburbs to house garages in, so I’m all for this switch from spanners and wrenches to knives and forks. It’s what the downtown area of a city is meant for anyway! So, given my enthusiasm for this seemingly well executed bit of gentrification I rounded up a few of my usual partners in crime and headed on down to check it out Saturday night.

Ok, although I don’t normally do reviews in this style, I’m going to divide the following entry into three distinct sections: the venue, the food and the service. This is because I have different things to say about each of them, so here goes…

The Venue:

Room to Move: The Wide Open Spaces of Gordon St Garage

Room to Move: The Wide Open Spaces of Gordon St Garage

Having a lot of space to work with, the folks at Gordon St have done a great job of refitting the place. It’s a huge, open place with a semi-industrial vibe and a few nods to its previous usage (such as a few tools on the wall, although judging by their level of cleanliness I’d wager that they’d never been put to use on an actual car). In general it has an eclectic, slightly ramshackle feel, with an array of different light fittings and furniture styles that really suited the wharehouse-esque feel of the place. In addition to the huge floor space, there’s also a small upstairs section and a more intimate area towards the front of the building. The placement of the bar (with a coffee roaster visible at the rear) and desert cabinet and cake stand in the middle of the downstairs floor were original and cleverly done too. Overall a pretty good job that incorporated a lot of the hipster chic trends that are in vogue these days while still managing to retain an original, individual identity.

Good Thinkin' 99: The Cleverly Situated Bar and Dessert Station

Good Thinkin’ 99: The Cleverly Situated Bar and Dessert Station

A Cosy Area Up Front For More Intimate Moments

A Cosy Area Up Front For More Intimate Moments

Did I Mention That They Have A Small Barrel of Port? If Not, THEY HAVE A SMALL BARREL OF PORT!!!

Did I Mention That They Have A Small Barrel of Port? If Not, THEY HAVE A SMALL BARREL OF PORT!!!

The Food:

Being as that I’m on a health kick and am staying off the booze, I had an iced tea instead of something stronger to drink while we were waiting for our table. Given that I wasn’t expecting much from the “boring” non-alcoholic option, I have to say that it was sensational. Freshly made to order and packing a peachy, fruit driven punch it was definitely a pleasant surprise.

Iced Tea: A Surprisingly Good Fresh And Fruity Way To Kick Things Off

Iced Tea: A Surprisingly Good Fresh And Fruity Way To Kick Things Off

Surveying the menu I have to say it was a little hard to pin down exactly what they were going for as it divided between salads, wood fired pizzas and meat & fish. That being said, I’m generally more than willing to roll with something a little different so the four of us decided to share the roast beetroot, blue vini, honeyed walnuts and nashi pear salad ($18), the Israeli couscous, wood fired ironbark pumpkin and pomegranate salad ($18), the fish tagine, potato, tomato & olive ($35) and the braised lamb neck, sweet & sour shallots ($33) with some frites and bread on the side for good measure. Without doubt the salads were the highlight of the meal. A mixture of cooked and raw beetroot combined perfectly with the robust blue cheese and sweet walnuts and pear, while the Israeli couscous (which was a new experience for me), pumpkin and pomegranate was a delightful mixture of texture and flavours. The lamb neck was laden with fragrant spices and the tagine quite tasty too, but neither was anything that spectacular and, to my and my friends’ mind, not necessarily deserving of their considerable price tags. Unfortunately I can’t report as to what the desserts are like due to the aforementioned health kick, but if they tasted anywhere near half as good as they looked then I’m sure I wouldn’t have found them lacking.

Israeli couscous = delicious GIANT couscous

Israeli couscous = delicious GIANT couscous

The Fish Tagine Taking Centre Stage

The Fish Tagine Taking Centre Stage

Wind Ya Neck In!: The Saucey, Fragrant Lamb

Wind Ya Neck In!: The Saucey, Fragrant Lamb

You Cant Beetroot, Especially Not When Combined With Walnuts, Pear And Delicious Blue Cheese

You Cant Beetroot, Especially Not When Combined With Walnuts, Pear And Delicious Blue Cheese

Delectable Desserts For Those Who Feel It's Good To Be Bad

Delectable Desserts For Those Who Feel It’s Good To Be Bad

In terms of the drinks side of things, not that I was able to partake of any given that I’m currently abstaining from intoxicating beverages, but they had a good range of beers, a decent wine list with a good number of non-Australian options (which I’m a big fan of) and an impressive range of spirits including Gosling’s rum (my favourite!) served with fever tree ginger beer, mint and fresh lime, so bonus points are awarded there.

The Service:

Up until now everything’s been sounding pretty sweet, right? Well, dear readers, I’m sad to say that this is where things take a bit of a turn for the worst. I’ll start with the booking system. Now while I’d read on another blogger’s review that they did take bookings for weekend dinner, both times I called the day before the phone rang out and I got a message cheerily informing me that they did not, as it turns out, take bookings and that we should just present ourselves on the night and all would be well. “Fair enough,” I thought, “if that’s the way they want to roll then I can handle a little bit of a wait.” Well, as it turned out, while we were waiting in line to see about getting a table, several people strolled in, announced that they had a reservation and were duly whisked away to their waiting table. Now, while I have to confess that this did piss me off more than a little, we were soon told that it would only be a 25 or so minute wait for our table of four to get a seat. Being as we were expecting as much, we were happy to wait that long to try out this new and happening eatery.

So, as things transpired we waited around 15 or more minutes for space to open up for us to have a drink until became available. Despite the fact that a couple of tables near the bar did soon clear we were taken right upstairs and out the back to an outdoor area that, whilst comfortable enough, didn’t have any seats and wasn’t exactly what you’d call cosy. We then waited a while longer for our drink order to be taken. After about a total waiting time of 50 minutes or so, I feared that our location had become a case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and I went down to enquire as to how much longer it would be until we were seated. When I was finally able to get a hold of the chap that was running the show he unapologetically informed me that there was still another 3 or 4 tables still waiting ahead of us and then hurried off. When I returned and gave the others the news we had a quick conference, decided “bollocks to this”, and were literally on our way down the stairs to walk out when the aforementioned unapologetic chap caught us and finally lead us to our table. Given that we’d waited so long we stayed and to be fair they did give us the first round of drinks on the house, but not until we’d voiced our discontent about being grossly mislead about the wait time.

Having finally made it to our table I had hoped that they’d be able to make up for their lacklustre performance thus far, but sadly that was not to happen. On top of the fact that our food took quite a while to get to the table once ordered, the poor waiter who was looking after us was obviously run off his feet and was thus unable to give us the friendly, personalised attention that is the hallmark of good restaurant service. He did mention that he was sorry about that as we were leaving, and like I said I don’t hold him personally responsible, but being busy on a Saturday night is no excuse for not providing good service and the management should ensure they have the right staffing level to ensure that this doesn’t happen.

So, given Gordon St Garage’s previous usage, I think it’s quite adept to use a motoring metaphor to sum up my assessment of the place: it’s like a beautifully restored vintage car with an engine that doesn’t quite work properly. They’ve refurbished it perfectly, the interior is great and it has all the right elements there but it just doesn’t run smoothly. That being said, with a bit of a tune up and a tweak here or there it has the potential to be a fantastic addition to the burgeoning CBD nightlife scene. I must also add that I’ve heard good things about their breakfasts and given that they roast their own coffee I’m definitely going to head back there and try out some brekky and a brew some time soon. For those of you thinking of heading there for dinner I’d advise you to avoid the weekend and try for a quiet weeknight, as while the dinner we had was nice enough, it definitely didn’t warrant all the dicking around that preceded it by any stretch of the imagination.

Gordon St Garage on Urbanspoon

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Hang Me Out To Dry: Laundry in Busselton

21 Feb
Laundry in Busselton. I was going to make a joke about mixing whites and colours here, but in the end thought better of it.

Laundry in Busselton. I was going to make a joke about mixing whites and colours here, but in the end thought better of it.

There are surely few more pleasant experiences in life than a nice surprise and, personally speaking, nowhere is this more true than when it comes to the world of eating and drinking (what a surprise! I hear you all sarcastically saying). There’s just something magical about entering a place not expecting much and leaving with your mind blown and taste buds singing. Well, as it so happens, just such a thing happened to yours truly about a month ago during a visit to humble little Busselton.

Fancy a quick stroll to the end of the Jetty? (P.S: it's the longest jetty in the Southern Hemisphere)

Fancy a quick stroll to the end of the Jetty? (P.S: it’s the longest jetty in the Southern Hemisphere)

First, just let me give you a bit of background on Busselton in case you’re unfamiliar with it. About two and a half hours drive south from Perth, “Busso”, as it is known to people from the area, is a sleepy little seaside town whose main attractions include an exceptionally long jetty, numerous caravan parks and the fact that it’s close to Margaret River. My family have a couple of caravans/holiday shacks down there and thus I spent most summers of my youth there riding my bike about, fishing in beautiful Geograph Bay and generally being a rambunctious country kid. Although I tend to visit much less frequently now, it’s still very nice to occasionally go down there and get away from it all. For those of you looking for a relaxing country getaway I’d recommend Busselton over the now horribly over-commercialised Margaret River as it’s still in close proximity to the wine growing region but has managed to retain the laid-back charm that makes holidaying in country towns so appealing.

Now despite the fact that I grew up in the country, the scruffy rural knockabout of my younger years is long gone and nowadays I tend to fancy myself as a hip, urbane sophisticate who is much more at home amongst the vibrant hustle of city life. So when I got the chance recently to spend a week down in Busselton with my parents whilst recovering from surgery to fix my horribly mangled elbow I looked at it as a chance to get away from the city and the pressures of urban life; to unwind, read a book, eat fish caught by my relatives and just generally relax. I certainly wasn’t expecting one of the best restaurant experiences I’ve had in recent memory, but then again, like the great John Lennon so wisely said, life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.

When mum and dad asked one afternoon me if I wanted to come and try out the newest and most trendy restaurant in town which they’d apparently “heard very good things about” I of course accepted (who am I to turn down a free meal out courtesy of the folks, especially seeing as I was unemployed and crippled at the time), but was secretly thinking to myself “Aww, how cute, sleepy little Busselton is trying to do fancy dining now. It’ll probably be average at best, but I’ll go along anyway”. Boy, was I ever wrong! Right from the off I was impressed with the layout and décor. Beautiful polished hardwood floors and exposed brick were combined with a contemporary feel that cleverly referenced the space’s former usage as, you guessed it, a laundry while at the same time remaining warm and inviting. Things were already looking up!

It's very nice, but you're going to need quite a few dollar coins to use this laundry.

It’s very nice, but you’re going to need quite a few dollar coins to use this laundry.

After being seated towards the back, we were greeted by the fellow that would be our waiter for the evening; a friendly and personable chap that quite obviously, if you’ll excuse my French, knew his shit. We began by asking for a recommendation of a good white wine to kick things off with while we perused the menu and he rose to the occasion by choosing a fresh and lively French number that we were all big fans of. He then went on to explain that rather than your typical entrée, mains and dessert for each person, Laundry offered a different type of cuisine more suited to ordering a succession of dishes to be shared by everyone at the table. I have to say this was a revelation. I’m such a big fan of this style of eating (be it dim sum, tappas etc.) because rather than being stuck with a huge serve of one particular dish you get to enjoy a kaleidoscope of different tastes and textures within the same sitting.

Do not overload machines (because they are just a photo on a wall).

Do not overload machines (because they are just a photo on a wall).

So far the restaurant that I had almost snobbishly turned my nose up at had ticked all the boxes of décor, ambiance, service and wine and all that remained to be seen was the quality of the food. It would certainly have been a tragedy for them to have gotten so many things right only to fall at the final hurdle. Turns out I needn’t have worried as what followed can only be described as a total triumph. Mum and I are total suckers for anything pate-esque so we started with the duck liver parfait, onion jam, toasts and baby herbs ($17). It was amazing; smooth, luxurious feeling parfait coupled with sticky sweet jam and crunchy toast. Next up was chickpea falafel, hummus, hot eggplant, cumin yogurt and herbs ($18). Both my parents tend to be quite carnivorous and thus suspicious of vegetarian food but this completely won them over with an ingenious combination of crunchy falafel, creamy hummus, tasty warm eggplant and gorgeous chilled yogurt. It was a brilliant blend of contrasting flavours, textures and temperatures that complimented each other prefectly. Following that was a lovely Asian inspired dish of caramelised pork hock, papaya, pineapple, coriander, peanuts and rice that intelligently blended sweetness and savoury. After the pork we moved on to the jamon Serrano, Fremantle octopus, white anchovy, romesco and olive dust ($24) that, while still very tasty, was a little less impressive than the previous dishes. Happily though, things soon kicked back in to top gear with the arrival of the slow cooked beef fillet, pea and ham croquettes, pimento and fennel ($36). Done using the Sous Vide method (in which the meat is vacuum sealed in a plastic bag and slow cooked in warm water for a very long time), the beef was simply divine, packed full of flavour and perfectly tender, and was complimented by the delightfully crunchy and salty croquettes that you really have to try to understand just how good they are. Last but most certainly not least, Mum and I caved in and decided that it would be rude not to share a dessert of bitter chocolate tart, honey semifreddo and raspberry mouse ($14). It was, as with so many of the dishes we had that night, an amazing symphony of flavours with the rich, slightly bitter dark chocolate blending seamlessly with the smooth sweetness of the semifreddo and the tangy tartness of the mouse. We also had a brilliant 2008 Quarisa cab sav from the Coonawarra region with the meal that was so good the old man has since purchased a whole carton of it (which you can order direct from the winery for a mere $15 a bottle. A total steal! Here’s the link should you want to do so yourself: http://www.quarisa.com.au)

Delicious dessert!

Delicious dessert!

Now I’m normally a pretty proud and stubborn individual, but in this case I have absolutely no qualms in admitting that I could not have been more wrong. Far from the well-intentioned but ultimately lacking provincial setup that I was expecting, Laundry ended up blowing me away. It’s almost like a slice of the best of Mt Lawley served up in an unassuming semi-rural setting. Not only did they get all of the elements of good dining completely right with good attention to detail, but the food was simply sensational. Interesting and unique, the chefs there have been able to create dishes in which the different elements both contrast with and complement each other in a quite ingenious manner. Add to that the interesting, share style of eating and a couple of cracking wine selections (plus the fact that I didn’t have to pay for any of it) and you’ve got something approaching perfection. So if you’re looking to unwind with a quick escape to the country but don’t want to give up the creature comforts of high quality dining then get yourself down to Busselton and check out Laundry. You won’t regret it.

Laundry Cafe on Urbanspoon

There Goes The Neighbourhood: Neighbourhood Pizza in Mt Hawthorn

7 Nov

It’s no secret that I’m a huge foodie. Anyone who knows me, or regularly reads this blog, knows how obsessed with it I am and that I have pretty strong views on what I like and don’t like. That being said, a recent dining experience at Neighbourhood Pizza in Mt Hawthorn did bring to light a certain schizophrenia in my culinary tastes, that I sort of have multiple food-loving personalities if you will. When it comes to food and drink, Australia has always had a reputation for drawing on a wide range of influences and combining them with little regard for stuffy old world rules or established conventions. It’s a fantastic side-effect of our multicultural nation and there’s definitely a part of me that loves this. A white wine that had been put on oak and aged? Brilliant! Moroccan lamb burgers with kasundi relish and minty yoghurt sauce? Awesome! However, I have to admit that there’s also a more snobbish, purist (aka wanky) side of me that wants to eat food in as an authentic manner as possible, preferably in its country of origin surrounded by locals, but if not that then as close to the real deal as can be managed. Needless to say, these two sides of my split foodie personality can sometimes come in to conflict, and nowhere is this more evident than when it comes to the topic of pizza.

Firstly, I love the stuff, and what’s not to love right? Its food that is simple, tastes great and can be eaten with your hands no matter how pissed you may or may not happen to be. While the concept of making differently influenced, more gourmet pizzas is by no means a new thing, recent times have seen a rise in the number of places offering such Italian/world cuisine fusion creations. Judging by the menus of these establishments, what you can put on top of a pizza is limited only by your imagination, and they offer everything from tandoori chicken to spicy Mexican beef to Greek lamb and feta, and probably most things in between.  Now while I think that this type of bold gastronomic creativity is definitely a good thing, when it comes to the humble pizza my purist side tends to win out. Perhaps it’s because I’ve done a fair bit of travelling in Italy (I know, I’m pretty cultured and awesome right?), perhaps it’s my Italian heritage or maybe it’s because I naturally tend to appreciate the more subtle art of effectively combining a few simple ingredients. Whatever the reason, nine times out of ten I’ll take a traditional pizza over a modern fusion creation, which is why my introduction to Neighbourhood Pizza last week was so exciting.

Pizzas ‘n’ Tha Hood

Located down an alleyway in the heart of Mt Hawthorn, it’s one of those great, unassuming places that, much like the Isla de Muerta in Pirates of the Caribbean,  you kind of have to already know where it is to find it. Fortunately my guides for the evening (frequent partners in crime brother Tim and aunt Jen) knew exactly where to go so we headed in there on Wednesday night last week (which just happened to be Halloween, so any cobwebs you notice in the pictures are merely thematic decorations and not examples of a chronic lack of cleaning). Once in the doors I found it to be kind of an odd space, very open and minimalistic, with lots of exposed brick and wood, a pool table in one back corner and a vintage motorcycle propped up near some old pallets in the other. Yet for all its unconventionality, it had a great feel and worked really well, and it’s nice to find a place that hasn’t just crammed as much seating in as possible to maximise their profits.

Neighbourhood Pizza: Pizza To Suit Your Pallet(s)

Meals With Wheels: A Cool Vintage Bike Adds Atmoshphere

Taking a seat down one end of a long trestle-like table, we perused the menu and were delighted to find that it was, for the most part, a simple, traditionally-based affair. There was the odd pineapple chunk, slice of jalapeno and bit of sweet potato to be fair, but the vast majority of offerings could be easily be served back in the mother country without causing any raised eyebrows (or eyebrow, depending on how much of a monobrowed they might happen to be). Being as that we weren’t that hungry at the time, we decided we’d just share two pizzas and went for a classic margarita (tomato base, buffalo mozzarella and fresh torn basil) and another with a tomato base, spicy salami, gorgonzola, flaked almonds and rocket. Simply put, they were literally slices of Italian heaven. The bases were perfectly thin and crispy, something that can only be properly achieved with good dough and a wood fired oven in my opinion. The simple elegance of the tomato, basil and mozzarella in the margarita was outstanding, while the stronger elements of spicy salami, gorgonzola and rocket all combined perfectly for a flavour that was bold yet not overcomplicated. With modern fusion pizzas I often find that there is too much going on, whereas here each ingredient was distinguishable, able to speak for itself and blend with those around it. Also, a whole heap of ingredients can lead to things getting pretty greasy and that awful, fatty, bloated feeling after one has indulged. Thankfully, the thin crust and restrained toppings on our Neighbourhood pizzas induced no such effects, and we left satisfied but not waddling out of the place.

Magarita Magic: Traditional Italian Perfection

Pizza: It’s Not Rocket Science (Or Is It?)

All (Wood) Fired Up: Where The Magic Happens

Having a chat with one of the owners after our meal, I discovered that they were definitely inspired by Italian pizza making, and that as many of the ingredients as possible (tomatoes, olives, anchovies, proscuitto etc.) were imported from that most wonderful of boot-shaped countries. They also use real Italian buffalo mozzarella instead of the awful, grated muck that so often gets spread over pizza here, which I have to say was pretty damn exciting for a pizza snob such as myself. Pricing wise they range from $17 to $22, so not too bad really, and if you were willing to split a pizza and garlic bread with a friend you’re looking at around $15 for a meal, which is pretty damn good for food of this quality. Also, in keeping with the idea of cost effectiveness, Neighbourhood Pizza is BYO (with a tiny $2 per person corkage charge), so if you like a tipple with your food then I’d highly recommend taking a few decent bottles of red with you when you go. They also do gluten free bases for a $6 extra on request, so even you non-wheat eaters can get stuck in too!

Neighbourhood Pizza on Urbanspoon

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Moose on the Loose: The Angry Moose in Mt Lawley

29 Oct
The burger. Once the staple of down-market takeaways and franchised fast food outlets, recent times have seen its transformation into the hippest, trendiest gourmet sensation of the teenies (is that what we’re calling this decade? I have no idea, and it makes it very difficult to make broad-stroke generalisations without a catchy handle for a particular time period, which in turn makes life hell for lazy writers such as myself, so if anyone out there can clarify this issue for me I’d be much obliged). You all know what I mean. These days it’s virtually impossible to walk down any fashionable street in town without tripping over any number of Grill’d, Flipped, Jus Burgers or other fashionably misspelled burger joints crammed with exposed brick, gourmet ingredients and bearded, tattooed staff members with bandanas on their heads. With the market surely hitting saturation point, one would be forgiven for questioning the wisdom of opening another gourmet burger restaurant, but that’s exactly what the brains behind the Angry Moose, a new BYO burger cafe on Beaufort St in the heart of Mt Lawley, have done.

New Kid On The Block: The Angry Moose

Having received a tip off from one of my Beaufort St spies (my aunt Jen) that it had finally opened its doors on Friday morning, I headed down there that afternoon to have a bit of a nosey around and scope the place out before heading in there for dinner later on. Thankfully for me the staff were friendly and the head chef nice enough to take time out his busy first day to indulge an inquisitive food blogger such as myself by having a chat and answering a few questions. One of the first things I found out was that the Angry Moose is owned by the same people as Lawleys Bakery, which makes their move down the road to a smaller building make a lot more sense as it frees up the larger floor space for their new burger based venture. This also means that Lawleys provides all of the bread, burger buns and brioche they use, which is good news as they’ve always produced quality stuff. He also told me that they were focusing on using only high quality, locally sourced ingredients; all their meat is supplied by Mondo Butchers, the beef from the Avon Valley, the chicken free range and from Mt Barker and the lamb locally sourced from Corrigin and Karragullen. This all sounded great, but I was curious as to how they planned to differentiate themselves from the numerous other gourmet burger places that offer similar fare. The answer: price and being more family friendly. While keeping a premium on quality, they’ve worked hard on keeping prices as low as possible. In terms of attracting the family crowd, they offer a selection of three different “Mini Moose Meals” that include, a burger or nuggets, chips, a drink and gelato for about $12-$13, which has got to please parents looking for a trendier place to take the kids out for a treat. All of this sounded great in theory, but the real test was yet to come.

Sweet Potato Chips, Garlic Mayo and a Cold Rodgers: The Perfect Opener

Getting in early at 5:30, myself and a friend grabbed a six pack of Rodgers from the BWS at the Queens, made ourselves comfortable and ordered a small serve of the sweet potato chips while we waited for the others to arrive. They were, it has to be said, brilliant; crispy on the outside, soft on the inside and a great alternative to the regular, garden variety potato chip. Another thing that the Angry Moose has going for it to set it apart from other burger places is that it offers quite a few non-burger options, so once everyone had arrived (and we’d made another trip to the bottle shop) we ordered a tasting plate to nibble on while we imbibed a few beverages. The plate for the day included pulled pork, grilled salmon and asparagus and spiced flatbread. The pulled pork was delicious, perfectly spiced and tender, and the salmon was very nice too, but at $23 it was a little steeply priced, and they could do with throwing on a load more bread given what they’re charging (you only got 3 small slices). That being said, it was a good way to ease in to things while we perused the menu.

The Tasting Plate: A Bity Pricey, But Damn Tasty Too

Minds made up, the five of us ended up going for, in no particular order, The Angry Moose (Beef Pattie, green Tomato Chutney and Emmental Cheese), The Figged Burger (Free Range Chicken Pattie, Fig Chutney and Locally Sourced Double Cream Brie), The Hot Moose (Lamb, Bacon, Chili Jam and Avocado), The Porked Moose (Pulled Pork, marinated and roasted for 12 hours served with its own special gravy and Guacamole) The Green Moose (Field Mushroom, Goats Cheese Feta from Gidgegannup, green Tomato Chutney, grilled Zucchini and Radish), the Angry Moose Slaw and a couple of serves of chips. I had the Figged Burger, and have to say that it met and exceeded my expectations, with the chutney and brie working fantastically together and the chicken patty making a nice change from the breast meat used in pretty much every other gourmet chicken burger. In the interest of being thorough, I of course had to try a bit of everyone else’s burger too, and they were all equally tasty, with the smoky bacon and chilli hit of the Hot Moose and the guacamole and pulled pork in the Porked Moose being two particular highlights. Earlier on the chef had told me that the aim was to find the perfect balance of quality and quantity; an adequate amount of great food rather than a huge monster-sized burger of poor quality muck. Overall, I have to say that they’ve nailed it on this front, with all of us achieving a state of elegant sufficiency without feeling overly stuffed. The chips and slaw were good sides too.

The Angry Moose: Good, Solid Standard Hamburger By Anyone’s Standards

The Green Moose: A Moose That The Vegos Can Happily Chow Down On

The Hot Moose: Lamb With Lashings Of Smoky Bacon And Chilli. Awww Yeah!

The Pulled Moose: Get Your Coat Luv, You’ve Pulled (Pork)

The Figged Burger Set Against A Lovely Backdrop Of Slaw

Burgers done and dusted, we all decided that we had enough room left to split another of the ‘Moose’s original creations: the dessert burger. Consisting of gelato sandwiched in a brioche bun, it is both an amusing and delicious way to finish off a meal. We went for two scoops of Ferrero gelato in ours, and while we could have easily polished off another one between us it’s probably for the best that we didn’t. All things considered, it was a good meal and they did well on what seemed to be a fairly busy opening night. I think that its location, non-chain store nature, focus on families as well as the trendy younger set, quality burgers and BYO appeal should just about see them shine through in an already crowded market place, and in that regard I wish them the best of luck.

The Dessert Burger: Brioche Based Genius

However, dear readers, this review is not over yet (I know you all probably have better, more important things to be doing with your lives, but please bear with me for just a little while longer). Another unique selling point that should help it do well on the Beaufort St scene is that the Angry Moose does breakfast as well. Anyone who is familiar with the Mt Lawley scene will know how packed out places like the Merchant and Cantina can get of a weekend, so another quality breakfast venue is always a welcome addition. So, in the interests of thoroughness, I selflessly abandoned my bowl of soggy cornflakes on Saturday morning and returned to the ‘Moose to check out their brekky skills. Accompanied by Jen and my brother Tim, I had the Morning Burger (Free range Eggs, Preservative free Bacon, Emmental Cheese and Rocket Leaves in Brioche Roll) with added avocado, Tim went for the Trim & Terrific (Free range Eggs, baked roma Tomato, sautéed Rocket Leaves, green Tomato Chutney and Lawley’s Sour Dough Bread) with extra avo and Jen went for the standard Bacon and Eggs with some extra mushrooms. Overall things were pretty good, and given that we were their first breakfast customers ever I won’t be too harsh in my judgement. That said, I will offer some constructive criticism by saying that charging $3 for extras such as the avo and mushroom was a bit steep considering you didn’t get very much and we had to send some toast back a couple of times to get it done properly (but when it was finally toasted enough the Lawleys sourdough was brilliant covered in melting butter and strawberry jam). So, Angry Moose guys, if you’re reading this, adjust the pricing or size of your extras and crank up the toaster a few notches and I don’t see why we can’t continue to be breakfast buddies for a long time to come. Oh, they roast and blend their own coffee beans too and they brew we had there wasn’t half bad, so they gain points on that front.

P.S: For all of you that have been sniggering along reading this thinking “how hilarious, he doesn’t even know what an angry moose is slang for”, I’ll have you know that I am well aware of what it means and have, for once, chosen to take the high ground and ignore the smutty innuendo. For those of you that don’t know what it means, you have an internet connection and google, but it’s not exactly a pretty picture, so don’t say you weren’t warned…

The Burger, AM Style

Bacon, Scrambled, Toast ‘n’ Shrooms

Trim & Terrific (No, It’s Not A Photo Of Me)

The Angry Moose on Urbanspoon

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Life is Rosey: Blackmilk Album Launch At The Rosemount Hotel

24 Oct

Those of you that caught my entry from a few days ago will know what I think of the way that the big supermarket chains are buying up all of the pubs and bars in town and, for the most part, ruining them. However, as grim as the situation may appear to be, I’m pleased to say that it’s not all doom and gloom. While there are plenty of pubs that have gone the way of the Hyde Park Hotel (see aforementioned entry for details), places like the fabulous Rosemount Hotel are still fighting the good fight and retaining their independence while at the same time supporting quality live music. Having made a resolution to myself a while ago to make a concerted effort to go and see more live music, when a friend suggested we head down to the Rosey, as the Rosemount is affectionately known to the locals, to check out the album launch for local psych rockers Blackmilk last Friday I hastily agreed.

Poker In The Rear: The Back Bar At The Rosemount

Now if you’ll bear with me, I’d just like to take a few moments to wax lyrical about what it is that makes the Rosemount, and bars and pubs like it, so gawd damn good. The overwhelming trend in town these days is for an ever-increasing level of ‘niceness’. There are lots of new places opening all the time, and while they may often be quirky and original and very, very cool, they all also tend to be very ‘nice’, which is fine by me, nice is good, I like nice just as much as the next man, but I don’t like it all the time. If you’re like me then you relish different places for different things, and if I’m going out to see a kick-ass rock band play live, I don’t want ‘nice’. After all, kids, real rock’n’roll isn’t supposed to be pleasant and well-ordered with clean carpets and a modern minimalist décor now is it? It’s not a polite waiter in a clean uniform, but rather Bon Scott in a leather jacket and scuffed blue jeans riding Angus Young’s shoulders around stage like a demented hard rock pony; charming and entertaining but also a slightly dirty and threatening.  It should be a little rough around the edges, laid back and not too expensive, and so should the places in which it is played. And this, my dear friends, is why the Rosey is so great. It’s big, the clientele are denim-clad and unpretentious, it does decent pub food at decent prices and the drinks are reasonably priced (well as reasonable as they can in the land of the cashed up FIFO bogan), but above all else they consistently put on good live music.

It Also Has A Great Outdoor Area Too!

This Place Is Balls: The View From The Pool Table

On the bill last Friday were Rachael Dease, The Love Junkies, Diger Rockwell and, of course, Blackmilk. Meeting a few of my usual partners in crime, we lubricated ourselves with a few glasses of Weston’s Stowford Press cider (a particular favourite of ours) and then headed in to catch the opening act. Part of what I like about going to see local gigs like this one is having absolutely no clue about what you’re going to see and having to assess everything on its merits, something that is definitely very hit and miss, but does often lead to some pleasant surprises. Opener Rachael Dease turned out to be one such surprise with her one woman act of chilled out, emotive electro tunes delivered by the use of a tweaked electric dulcimer. She had a great voice with a kind of Nancy Sinatra meets Amy Winehouse feel. Very entertaining and original. Next up were Love Junkie, a trio of precocious young fellows that proceeded to assault the eardrums of all those pleasant with a wave of garage rock noise that sat somewhere between Nirvana and The Strokes with a few dashes of Black Sabbath thrown in for good measure. They were good, not really my cup of tea, but they did bring with them a bit of a rent-a-crowd consisting entirely of attractive young women, so they obviously have some appeal, and what do I know anyway? Sadly Diger Rockwell’s set coincided with a group desire to rehydrate using fermented apple products, but I did catch a sliver of his act on the way back in and it seemed to be an interesting mix of electronica and live instruments so I’d definitely be keen to see him again and check him out properly. Headline act and proud parents of a brand new album, Blackmilk, finished up proceedings with a polished set of energetic rock that leant towards the psychedelic side. They put on a good show, but again it wasn’t entirely my bag, or as I wrote down in my notes for the night, “good live act but nothing that grabbed me by the bollocks”.

Ms Dease Doin’ Her Thang

The Love Junkies: Totally Hooked On Rockin’ Out

The One’s For The Ladies: The Love Junkies’ Crowd Of Adoring Rock Chicks

Blackmilk: Not For The Lactose Intolerant

So folks, if you have a live music itch that needs a good ole scratchin’, then I highly recommend that you head down to the Rosemount Hotel sooner rather than later. For our part, we had a grand old time. The sound quality was good, the drinks were plentiful, there was a crap reggae band playing in the front bar and we may or may not have indulged in a little tequila. But beyond all that, the place just feels right; you can relax, let your hair down and rock out without having to worry about being in any way ‘nice’, which I think is something that we all need every now and again.

P.S: I also saw Aussie hip hop legend Urthboy there a few weeks ago, which was a great show and an awesome night, but I was too pissed and having far to much fun to review it, so sorry about that one guys!

Rosemount Hotel on Urbanspoon

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The Great Supermarket Swindle: How Coles and Woolworths Will Soon Own Your Life

22 Oct

Ever heard the phrase “don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining”? Well, if you  ask me it’s something to bear in mind when considering the way that the bastardly duo of Coles and Woolworths are slowly taking over every facet of our lives, especially when it comes to the whole eating, drinking and entertainment side of things (which in case you haven’t noticed is kind of my thing). Don’t know what I’m talking about? Ok then, just try and leave the house and buy food, booze or a drink at a bar without shelling out some of your hard earned to either of the aforementioned companies. It is possible I know, but you often have to go out of your way to do so, and the worst thing is is that everyone seems to be fine with this. “That’s just the way it is” they say, “they’re both great companies that offer great products at competitive prices”. Bollocks! Everyone keeps telling me it’s raining, but I can’t help but notice the heavy stench of urine hanging in the air.

The Mark Of The Beast(s)

Looking at just the supermarkets themselves, I’d like you all to join me in a little compare and contrast exercise between our little Aussie duopoly and the system in the UK. Over there they have a hierarchy of shopping options that reflect one’s income and spending habits and allow one to exercise a relatively large amount of discretion when it comes time to do the weekly shop. Top of the chain is Marks and Spencer (aka Marks and Sparks) followed closely by Waitrose, both expensive options populated predominately by the upper middle classes and, in the case of old Marks and Sparks, those of a lower socioeconomic background looking to impress their friends at dinner parties by passing off the pre-made food you can buy there as their own. Next rung down is Sainsbury’s and a half step behind that is Tesco, both respectable middle class supermarkets for respectable middle class people. Even within this bracket there is some wiggle room, with customers having the option of choosing brand name products, store brand or the ever-so-slightly more posh Tesco’s or Sainsbury’s “finest” store brand. A bit further down the scale you find Morrison’s and “every little helps” Asda. You can generally tell when you’re in one of these two as there tends to be a much higher percentage of people wearing tracksuits and greater numbers of teenagers girls pushing prams down the aisles selling canned food and ready-meals.  Probably the scummiest of the lot is Iceland, home of both the frozen prawn ring and the alcoholic single mother, which makes their choice of Kerry Katona as spokeswoman especially apt (that one was for my UK peeps and fellow former expats, sorry Aussie friends, you’ll just have to let that one fly right on over your sunburnt little noggins). Bringing up the rear are my two favourites, Aldi and Lidle, two non-brand name selling havens of teutonic efficiency and value for money, fantastic for both your standard grocery shop and the fabulous aisle of miscellaneous crap down the middle of the store (I once went in to my local Aldi to buy a can of chilli con carne and a loaf of bread and came out with outdoor pants and a winter jacket. Brilliant!).

You’ll Love Coles, Or Else!

Ok, now let’s compare that to the options I have when deciding upon a supermarket here. Ah, I can go to Coles, Woolworths or IGA and pay way too much for everything no matter which one I chose. Now do you see what I mean? There is no real choice or competition, and you don’t have to have a degree in economics to know that that means that consumers like you and me are going to get shafted, and shafted good. However, I do most of my shopping at the markets (at Coventry Square in Morely mostly, it’s awesome and I highly recommend checking it out, but anyhow, I digress) and could probably handle the corporate bumming if it were limited just to the mundane world of groceries, but oh no, Coles and Woolies have to go and fuck with the alcohol and pub scene now too, don’t they? In a diabolically fiendish move, perhaps knowing that their outrageous grocery prices would drive people to drink, both companies now also own most of the bottle shops and pubs in town, which has the double fisted impact of eliminating price competition and transforming previously great, unique bars into bland corporate examples of gentrified beigeness. I submit as evidence here the sad tale of the Hyde Park Hotel. Formerly a fantastic independent pub that was a staple of the local music scene with a awesomely seedy back bar, 20c pool tables, a toilet in which one could indulge in the odd “jazz cigarette” and a cheap bottle shop that was always open till midnight, the Hydey was bought by Woolworths and is now, like someone who gets married and whose spouse forces to quit their awesome punk rock band and get a “real job”, a shadow of its former self. The carpets are now clean, the bottle shop closes early and it’s all “nice”. Sad enough an example on its own I know, but this scene is being repeated a countless venues all across our fair city. Thankfully the small bar licenses have gone some way to rectifying the situation, but it still stinks if you ask me.

Woolworths: Now Selling Babies Into Slavery (Probably)

But, I hear you ask, what is the solution to all of this? It’s all very easy to sit back and criticise, to bitch and gripe about the state of the world, but much harder to get off your arse and change it. Well folks, I don’t have one, and short of making more people aware of it and encouraging them to boycott establishments owned by either company as often as you can, as I do, then there isn’t really much one humble blogger can hope to achieve. Besides, this is my blog, and if I want to piss and moan without offering any constructive ideas then I bloody well will. Also, it feels good to just get it off my chest really. So in short, moral of the story, folks, is that if someone with something to sell you keeps on telling you that it’s raining, take a good look at what’s running down your leg before you buy it.

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Those Delightful Turks: Ankara Kebabs and Turkish Bakery

19 Sep

The kebab. Doubtlessly the staple food of nightlife the world over, perfect for that moment when you realise that your chances of picking up for the night have all evaporated and you seek solace amongst the layers of greasy meat and garlic sauce as you stagger home alone. Now while few people are going to question their status as king of the drunken late night snack, if done well kebabs, and by association kebab shops, can actually represent an excellent dining option when one is sober and hasn’t just been singing Oasis’s “Wonderwall” with one’s arms around one’s mates’ shoulders. However, the key phrase here is “if done well”.

Let me just explain what I mean here. While I was living in the UK I had to suffer though their version of kebabs which are, for the most part, strange and terrible creatures. Instead of the delicious chunks of lamb served in warm Turkish bread I’d grown up with over here, the meat looks like a large, spinning turd on a stick and is shaved off in greasy ribbons that come served in cold naan. To make matters worse, they don’t even wrap them up, but rather serve them open in a Styrofoam tray, leaving you to try and manage stray donner meat and sloppy, sauce-covered salad with one of those shitty little plastic forks, a feat that is difficult enough sober but when intoxicated becomes a recipe for both intense frustration and stained shirts. Also, the chicken tends to be marinated in this horrible, fluorescent red tandoori stuff. All in all, not a very pretty or appetising picture.

In general, I’ve found that a key indicator of a country’s kebab quality is Turkish immigration. This style of cuisine comes from that part of the world; they love them and are good at making

Turkish Delights: Kebabs at Ankara

them. Thus, UK = relatively little Turkish immigration and terrible kebabs, Australia, Germany and Austria = lots of lovely Turks making awesome kebabs. However, this is no hair-brained hypothetical hypothesis. I can back it up with hard evidence, namely Ankara Kebabs and Turkish Bakery in Inglewood (right next to the Inglewood Hotel). This unassuming little kebabery might not look like much at first glance, but inside you’ll find some of the finest kebabs in town. Not only that, but being as it’s a bakery as well they make their own lavash bread and also offer a range of other Turkish fare such as Gozlemes and Pides, Turkish bread and dips, which are a delicious alternative to the traditional late night lamb sandwich. The Jumbo burger is also great and comes stacked with fillings and topped off with grilled Turkish sausage. They also have some tables and chairs in an adjacent room, so one is able to sit down and enjoy one’s kebab rather than being forced to scarf it on the pavement like some lowly hobo. Bonus!

The Jumbo Burger In All Its Glory!

Ankara Kebabs & Bakery on Urbanspoon

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